Trusting God when your spouse is in a different place spiritually

Trust in the Heavenly Father is what needs to manifest while you are hoping for your spouse to change.  Trust and faith are interchangeable when you read the Bible.  You can actually take the two words and insert them into each other’s place where they are listed in the scriptures.

Trust and faith is what it takes when you are desperately longing for your spouse and you to be unified in Christ.  As the founder of a ministry the second most common asked question or prayer request (the first is about finances) is women desiring for their husbands to change spiritually.

Trusting God can be difficult when believing for a radical change in a person you love, when you are hoping in something that you haven’t seen manifest in the past.  Doubt can enter in and make you weary when you have been in the same situation for a long time.  Weariness, heaviness and even control can manifest when you are drastically hoping for change.

When we look at the state of the church it is obvious that the church is filled with more women than men.  We see women coming to church alone, while men stay home on Sunday mornings, not having the desire to attend.  (I know in some cases it is the other way around.)  When women have a desire to go to church and get involved and grow spiritually this can cause dissension and dissatisfaction in a marriage.

As a woman continues to grow in their spiritual walk and the man remains stagnant, the woman can become discontent with where her husband is or is not spiritually.  Her desire to see him grow and get involved in the things of God can become manipulating and controlling in nature.  When this happens a woman will activate conversations in attempt to draw her husband into a spiritual walk that he is not yet ready.  The wife can begin nagging her husband on what he should and should not be doing spiritually.  The woman is unhappy with their marriage and doesn’t know how to proceed forth when they are at two different spiritual levels.

As I minister to women I consistently hear the same complaint about the husbands.  What I want to convey to women is that our husband’s spiritual walk is not up to us, but to them.  We cannot force or coerce someone into a spiritual walk.  Just like losing weight, a person truly can’t lose weight until they want it for themselves, so it is with our spiritual walks.  We cannot do it for them, and they cannot do it for us.   They have to want it for themselves.

How do you be content while waiting for your spouse to walk along side you spiritually?  You need to know when to open your mouth and have gentle seed planting conversations and when you need to stay silent.  Staying silent is what I call, letting God be God.  As women we have a tendency to want to control and force the issue.  We know how good it feels to have the presence of the Lord upon us and we desire it for everyone.  We can’t understand why someone wouldn’t want that.  We have to take our control, agenda and ideas of how it should appear out of the situation and allow God to be God.  We need to allow the Holy Spirit to convict our husbands instead of us controlling, judging and trying to manipulate them into what we think is best for them.

Our husbands are not our responsibility to grow spiritually.  Everyone has their own responsibility and all will stand before the Lord someday and give an account if they knew Him and lived their life for Him and produced fruit.  You (ladies) will be held accountable and your men (husbands) will be held accountable for theirs.  You have to take the burden of responsibility off of yourself, when you do, that may be the very thing that ignites your spouse to live fully for the Lord.

If you were to ask a man, one of the last things they want is, for their wife to nag them.  It is when we stop nagging and live a life for Christ that they will see by example and discover they too want this life of peace and love you have.  Each time you are praying, worshiping or reading your Bible in your home you are planting seeds in the life of your husband.  Allow the spiritual walk you live to plant the seeds, and not the words of your mouth, which can be condescending or of a negative nature.  When we example a life of Christ, obedience and discipline we can be contagious Christians and our husbands will eventually follow in our footsteps.

To get through this uncomfortable period of waiting and being on two different spiritual levels, know when to pray, when to rest, and when to be silent.  Pray and trust God to complete His word.  Pray, in your prayer closet for your husband, not in front of him, when you are praying for his spiritual walk, and not in front of your friends.  Go to the Father and pray in secret what needs to be accomplished.“But you, when you pray, go into your room, and when you have shut your door, pray to your Father who is in the secret place; and your Father who sees in secret will reward you openly,” (Matt. 6:6).  Decree and declare that your husband will rise up and take his rightful place inspiritual authority.  Bind and restrict any passivity or complacency and any lack of desire.  Proclaim that the blinders will come off of his eyes and that the truth will come into the light.

Pray, war, decree on his behalf and then rest.  Rest in knowing the Father will accomplish what the word of God says he will accomplish.In Philippians 4:6, “Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God.”Don’t be anxious about anything.  After you have prayed, rest in the Father knowing that His perfect will is done in the spiritual realm, now you are waiting for it to manifest in the natural realm.  Rest that it is accomplished.  Take your hands off the situation and wait with eager expectancy and hope of the manifestation.  Don’t wait in worry, stress and anxiety which is sin.  Wait knowing what it says in Isaiah 55:11, “So shall My word be that goes forth from My mouth; It shall not return to Me void, But it shall accomplish what I please, and it shall prosper in the thing for which I sent it.” Wait knowing that His word will accomplish what it says it will.

We often think we have to have something to do with the results of the situation.  In Exodus 14:14 it says, “The Lord will fight for you, and you shall hold your peace.” Know the Lord will fight for you.  He is working on your behalf.  He knows the desires of your heart.  Rest in the assurance that you have been obedient and you have prayed.  Rest with hope, faith and trust of the manifestation of that prayer.

~ by Kathy DeGraw on July 25, 2016.

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